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Every summer my aunt and uncle come up from New York and get a house near one of the beaches for two weeks. And every year, by the end of their stay, they are shaking their heads about the sheer amount of coverage and talk about the Sox. It's harder to avoid than ordering lobster in Maine. It's one of those phenomenons that you think you understand from afar, but don't, not until you've actually lived it. A serious natural disaster wouldn't knock the Sox off the front page this time of year. It would take a grade A natural disaster hitting the Fens to push the results of last night's game to page two and even then there would probably be a meeting about it. At this point in the year, my Mom could make a pretty persuasive argument about Manny's MVP creds from sheer osmosis of living in New England the past six months. The "Curse" may be one writer's invention and a calling card for Fox's lead in montages for the playoffs, but Red Sox Nation is alive and kicking. Even in Arizona. Sure the Pats might be going for some record or another on Sunday, but damn the divisional series starts in a few days!

Slate looks at Kerry, his apparent sports flubs and Football Fans for Truth.

As a Pats fan, feeling sorry for the Dolphins is almost akin to having an ounce of sympathy for the Dev-, er, Yankees, but things are bordering on ridiculous down there and now Le Batard is calling for an exorcism and I had to pause and wonder if he was joking.

Aaron Schatz (suddenly writing all over the place) has an interesting article in The New Republic about Byron Leftwich and his deconstruction of one of the more recent and most persistent stereotypes in football.

Bob Klapisch unloads on the Mets and their "master plan".

"Sooner or later, the Mets will finally discard the pretense of having a master plan. Instead, they'll create a polling Web site where fans, not their general manager, can dictate policy the way most teams do. Gary Carter to replace Art Howe? Point and click. Carl Pavano instead of Kris Benson in free agency? Get out and vote. Omar Minaya as the new figurehead GM? Make your voice heard. Call the talk-radio stations. The Wilpons are listening, desperately seeking your input."

I got a little deja vu reading this as it all seemed vaguely familiar to the Harrington/Duquette era in mid-nineties Boston. A time thankfully receding into history.

Word is that the Expos are heading south. Literally.

It's baseball's final nail in the coffin for the franchise that everyone loves to tease. They can't draw fans. No one cares. And so on ...

The soon-to-be-announced move is the most poorly kept secret since Olympic atheletes were rumored to be be taking performance enhancing chemicals. Well gosh! The AP is running with it. The Montreal Gazette gives it above-the-fold billing (too bad they didn't care this much about the team before today). Even Major League Baseball's web presence MLB.com, is reporting this as if it were some crazy rumor, attributing the story to "a city official close to the deal" I love the cloak-and-dagger stuff, guys. Like anyone didn't know this was coming.

Thus, apparently, ends the lengthy, and painful, and downright awkward road out of town for Les Expos, whose fate was sealed by the 1994 players' strike, which began just over 10 years ago. It was on Aug. 12, 1994, that the players' union walked out during the Expos' best-ever season, leading to the first and only cancellation of a World Series and destroying any hopes of a baseball renaissance in Montreal.

It's not just my conjecture that the death certificate on this team was signed that August in the early 90s. Longtime Expos broadcaster Ken Singleton puts it this way: "That was the start of the end,I think the fans really felt that the rug was pulled out from under them and they didn't go back after that."

It's difficult to reconstruct that season now, but the Expos seemed to be the consensus pick to win the NL, and possibly beat the Yankees in the World Series. The 1994 team was the culmination of everything the franchise had worked toward since its birth in 1969. They could hit, pitch, run and defend, and, most importantly, had Montreal excited and showing up in droves.

Ken Hill, Pedro Martinez, Jeff Fassero and Kirk Rueter were a dominant rotation. John Wetteland, Mel Rojas, Jeff Shaw and Tim Scott were lights out in the bullpen. The outfield was one of the best in baseball, with Larry Walker, Marquis Grissom, and Moises Alou. Even the infield, with Cliff Floyd, Mike Lansing, Wil Cordero, Sean Berry, and Darrin Fletcher was dominant with both leather and the bat. On August 12, they were 74-40, first in the NL East, and had just moved six games up on the Atlanta Braves.

And then the bottom fell out. The strike descended on the league, no World Series was held, and the Expos had missed their chance to rejuvinate the franchise. When baseball resumed in 1995, the looting of the team began in earnest. The rest of the league took out their carving knives and, before it was all said and done, had not only eaten a heaping serving of Expos talent, but owned the team as well.

Ken Hill went to St. Louis, Grissom to Atlanta and Wetteland to the Yankees. Walker, the team's best player, and the pride of Maple Ridge, B.C., was allowed to leave, signing a four-year, $22-million US contract with the Colorado Rockies. As things spiraled downward, Pedro was sent to the Red Sox. A great young player waiting in the minors during the 1994 season, a lad named Vladimir, was allowed to walk just this past season. But the writing was on the wall long before that.

The only reason it took this long is that Baltimore's Peter Angelos hadn't yet decided just the size of the dowry he would require if he were to be wedded to another team in his "market." Reports are that he required two things:

• Baseball must guarantee that the Orioles will earn a still-to-be-negotiated minimum in annual revenues. If their revenues fall below that figure, MLB would make up the difference.
• Baseball also is willing to guarantee a minimum franchise value for the Orioles. So if Angelos attempts to sell the team and can't find a buyer willing to pay that amount, MLB also would make up that difference.

Nice deal if you can get it. One wonders what "still-to-be-negotiated minimum" and "that amount" will turn out to be.

But the real losers in all this aren't the Expos fans - they got the short end courtesy of the MLBPA and the league front office a long time ago. Since then they've just been on life support. The real losers are the residents of Washington, D.C.

"What?" You say. "They just got their long-awaited MLB franchise!"

Sure they did. And now the City Council of the chronically cash-strapped capital must come up with $440 million for a new stadium. This is a city that routinely fails to provide funding for schools and other essential city services.

"I think everybody is excited about baseball coming to the District," Councilman Adrian Fenty said. "Very few District residents are excited about a full subsidy to pay for this stadium. ... At the end of the day, you're not going to have seven council members support it."

And so ends this chapter in the saga of the Franchise That Can't Win, Even When They Do.

Whoa, seems like Mitch Albom is hot and bothered (rightly, I might add) by Tony Siragusa's wink, wink, nudge, nudge comments about Joey Harrington during Sunday's Fox broadcast. Now, I had better things to do than watch the Eagles put the Lions back in their place Sunday afternoon and some context might be lost in translation, but certainly not all the context. Ironically, you might say Big Tony wasn't man enough to come right out and ignorantly stab his unsuspecting mark in the chest. No, he opted to go from behind.

For all the ABC hoopla of the ole ball coaches butting heads last night, that was an ugly game, both on the field and on the sidelines. King Kaufman breaks down just how the HOF coach went about losing last night.

Aaron's week three VOA ratings are up at FO and point to why there might be hope in KC if they can just forget about the clock and why the Jaguars are better than the 2003 Panthers.

Literary cheerleaders, book reviews, strategy and the Football Gods over at TMQ.

Off Wing Opinion has some good commentary and a good collection of links on the move of the Expos to D.C., its buildup and likely Angelos aftermath.

How to walk away with the NL Central without really trying. Redbird Nation breaks down the moves and non-moves that led to the Cardinals surprising dominance this year.

New England is a pro sports region through and through. Local college teams, of which they are legion, have to do something really special or really stupid to get any notice. So you can imagine the coverage that high school sports merit. So stories like this one are quite a wake-up call that some people, somewhere, take this stuff, for better or worse, very, very seriously.

Of all the (justified) criticism of Dick Vermeil and the Chiefs after this weekend, Peter King has one of the better lines in the MMQB.

Gammons has an interesting stat on the second half state of the A's pitching along with non-free agents that will most likely not be with the same team next year.

Chad Ford lists his picks for the players most people expect to have breakout seasons. One player who is definitely not on the list is Jamal Mashburn, who didn't even need the hassle of suiting up for a game to land on the injured list.

Interesting article at the Prospectus about the enduring myth of baseball history.

"Only the competitive, head-to-head nature of baseball prevents this recognition that today's players as a group are the best to ever play, and that those who dominate this level of competition must be recognized as the greatest ever to play. And Barry Bonds, competing directly against the best group of fielding and pitching talent baseball has ever known, has been one of the best hitters in baseball since his third year in Pittsburgh, has come to dominate the league, and too should be recognized as the best hitter baseball has ever seen."

Well, it's been quite some time since I posted anything on Sportsblah, and sad to say I don't have a solid excuse. Quick rundown of what's happened since I last posted here: the Pistons shocked the Lakers, Lance won another Tour, lots of Olympic joy and pain, Red Sox started hot, stumbled through the early summer, then get red hot, the Pats began the defense of their Vince Lomardi Obelisk. Oh, and I got married.

On a side note, before I stagger through the mental obstacle course that is the Five for Friday, I'd just like to give a quick shout-out to JT "The Brick" from Fox Sports radio as the single most idiotic voice in sports media. JT hosts the 10pm-2am weekday show, and one night towards the close of the Olympics he spent a good half hour while I was driving somewhere haranguing about Michael Phelps being a BIG LOSER. You know, this guy. He who just won 6 gold medals and 2 bronze, has held 13 world records, 20 US records, graced the cover of just about every magazine in America last month. Oh, and he's all of 19 years old. Sure, we live in a culture that's obsessed with winning, and I don't know exactly what "The Brick" considers success, but when he all but calls for Phelps to throw a noose around the rafters of his flea-ridden shack and end the pain after not winning just one or two more golds, it might be time for JT to drink some kava and get some sleep. It's called perspective, and apparently it's not just for artists anymore.

And away we go ...

1. Certain members Boston media have this fascinating idea that Boston fans will be crushed if we win the World Series, as if we'd lose our identity somehow, which is all bunk of course. A sort of ancillary faction to this idea, one that is a little more interesting, is whether winning the Series, but not having to vanquish the Yankees in the postseason, would temper the win a bit. Any thoughts?

I'm on board with those who think that there's something specifically New England about the Sox and their loserdom. It goes along with Dunkin Donuts, sleet in March, and tall white chruch steeples in the mountains. I don't quite know how the New England "sense of self" would recover from such a crushing victory. But based on the response to the Patriots' titles in the last few years, and the pure unadulturated love that many fans have for the Sox--a love above and beyond that for the Pats--and the fact that I was in a bar absolutely packed full of Sox fans for Game 7 of the ALCS last year, I would have to imagine widespread chaos, somewhat akin to the Rapture, but with beer and no horsemen.

The Sox winning a championship without going through the Yanks would no doubt cast a shadow over the victory itself. Their rivalry, in many ways, transcends the sport. For the Sox to win, in the minds of New Yorkers and New Englanders, anyway, they have to beat the Yanks. To do so otherwise would be like Sisyphus letting the rock roll back down the hill and strolling onward without it. As Harvey Fromer, author of Red Sox vs. Yankees: The Great Rivalry puts it, "1918 belongs to New York as much as it does to Boston."

2. There is no denying Tim Wakefield's value to the Red Sox, but as in '99, he is scuffling down the stretch. Do you put him in the post-season rotation over Arroyo? Do you even put him on the roster and hope he refinds that knuckle groove?

Rotation, no. Roster, yes. Wakefield's, shall we say, unique talents lend themselves to a 5th starter/bullpen arm role. It's been his lot in life since he joined the Sox in '95, whether he likes it or not. He can pitch on short rest, throw a lot of pitches in a mop-up role in a game that's going heavily in either direction, and he's shown in the past that he can show up for big games. Without Wakefield last season, there is no Game 7, period. But as a knuckleball guy, he's got a special talent that needs to be used effectively. For instance, I might not put him on the roster at all for the first series if it's MIN vs. BOS. I don't like the prospect of Wakie throwing up watermelons inside the dome. I do however like him in a 7-game series against either Oakland or New York, pitching out of the pen.

And really, Arroyo has the made the case for himself regardless of Wakefield's struggles of late. Arroyo's numbers on the season (9-9, 4.15, 1.24 era) are those of a solid big-league pitcher, most likely #2 or #3 on many teams. The run support was not there for him for a good chunk of the season, either, or he'd be sitting at 13, 14 wins. And his performance last Friday night in NY (6 IP, 4 H, 1 BB, 3 K, 2 ER) gave confidence to team and fans that he can handle himself in the pressure cooker.

3. Bond's legacy will probably be inextricably tied to Balco and steroids for a long time, but there is no denying the man's talent. Do you think it's possible we've become so inured to the homerun, not to mention 24/7 highlights and commentary, that Bond is actually underrated?

Absolutely. Bonds' numbers just this season are absolutely staggering. His OPS is 1.437. That defies description. He's had 13 straight seasons over 1.000 in that category, with 3 of the last 4 years over 1.375. At 701 homers and still dominating the league, he looks to be well on his way to setting the all-time homeruns record ... and that's only when they pitch to him!

Let say, for the sake of argument, that we take away the endless intentional marches to first over the last 4 years (275 times). We wave a magic wand and give him back those at-bats, assuming that in those at-bats he'll hit homeruns with similar frequency (8 AB/HR). That's right, he would have an additional 35 homeruns. And that's only taking into account the walks that get logged as IBB, not the ones where they throw junk and end up walking him. For all intents and purposes, Bonds puts up those gargantuan numbers with one hand tied behind his back.

Or leave our flight of fancy above alone, and let the fearful pitching staffs of the National League go ahead and walk Bonds as they are ought to do. Let's go ahead and take away every single hit, be it single, double, triple, or homerun, that Bonds has this season, and strike them from the record books. He would be 0/351 on the season. But his resulting OBP (.378) would still put him ahead of Bagwell, Giles, Ortiz, Javy Lopez, Delgado, and Larry Jones, and virtually tied with ARod and Vlad. Pretty good company for a guy with, hypothetically, no hits whatsoever.

I think Bonds is more a victim of his own success than the 24/7 highlight reel. It's just not possible to classify Bonds as belonging to the same group as even the other elite MLB players. He's a class unto himself, even in an era of gaudy offensive stats.

BTW, Mike, I am now ready to concede that Bonds is, in fact, better than Rickey.

4. So we're coming up on week three in the NFL, what two teams that have started 0-2 have the best chance of turning it around and making the playoffs? Conversely, what two 2-0 teams will sink back to the pack and miss out on January?

For teams that are going to turn things around and reach the promised land, the coversation has to start with Kansas City. They are an NFL playoff team, even if Dick Vermeil insists on mocking his own players in public. Take the diapers off, indeed. But with Priest Holmes back shortly (keeping my fingers crossed, WATB? members), Tony G, Green, the rest of the receivers, and the insane Arrowhead fans, I don't see this team being any worse than 10-6.

Another 0-2 team you have to expect a rebound from is Tampa Bay. Playoffs are by no means a lock, but they're too talented a team, and coached by too much of a pompous ass, not to make a run.

As far as teams tumbling back into the mediocrity that is the middle of the NFL, I fully expect a return to earth for the Falcons. Atlanta, to whom ESPN gave the ominously headlined preseason wrapup Falcons: Dark Cloud, are flying high right now. The fans are ready to enshrine Michael Vick into the HoF this afternoon. The defense is much improved over last seasons' league worst. But are they good enough to go a game or 2 over .500 the rest of the way? Not so, sayeth this prognosicator.

And my final NFL fraud is Jacksonville. If these guys make the playoffs I will eat my hat. While I'm sure scoring 20 points over the first two games has been a huge confidence booster for young Byron Sandwich, there are 14 games to play, and I doubt that Jacksonville will win more than 6 of them, thus finishing 8-8 and out of the hunt.

5. As both an avid sports and politics fan, what three athletes playing today could you see running for office sometime down the line?

I'm going to cheat a little and select for one of my politicans former Vikings running back Robert Smith. He just published his first book, The Rest of the Iceberg and has always seemed to be to be a very intelligent and straightforward guy who has no problem doing his own thing and standing by his decisions, even before his surprise retirement at age 28.

Another one that wouldn't surprise me would be Tom Brady. I get the feeling he's a fairly conservative guy, and at this point in his career fairly shy, really, speaking about himself or his opinions. But I saw him sitting with the First Lady at the State of the Union speech, he's a heartthrob and a winner, and being a national household name by the time you're 27 is a recipe for political success.

For the last one, I'll go with a total wildcard. Picture it: Senator Randy Moss. I can just see him standing in the well at the front of the assembled Senate, debating an Appropriations bill that's laden with pork barrell projects from both parties, eager to please their discricts before the upcoming elections. Senator Moss, from the Great State of West Virginia removes his 'do rag and exclaims into the microphone, "Aww c'mon, you know Randy ain't down with that." He strikes himself in the chest several times. "Gimme the money, C-nate. Im'a do it proper."

Despite the odd, head scratching Holdsclaw soap opera, the WNBA still remains viable solely on the whim of its big NBA brother. I've never actually met or even talked to someone that's gone to a WNBA game, which always makes me pause on coming across the rare WNBA photo and wonder if the crowd is painted in. Don't get me wrong, I'm not disparaging women athletics. I think the women's game has a lot going for it. Namely, good outside shooting and some fundamentals, but that doesn't mean it deserves its own professional league. My Y games have some pretty good shooting and some crisp chest passes and we're not fighting over the 2 am ESPN2 time slot. The point being, the WNBA's playoffs start tonight.

Destined to go down alongside Parcell's "slip up" on the appropriate pronoun for Terry Glenn, Larry Johnson was none too happy with Dick Vermeil's Huggies comment.

All the numbers and stats fit to print from the second week of the NFL. Friends and relatives of Jeff Garcia should probably refrain from reading.

Sports that could be added and sports that could be whacked for the 2012 Olympics. Like Title IX, Rogue has decreed every addition must be met with a subtraction. I'm still a little surprised bridge or poker isn't on the list. It would at least get them some publicity that wasn't about doping or steroids.

And if you are one of the few that still believe the introduction of the three-point line had brought more benefits than baggage, then line right up and read about the top ten three point shots in NBA history. Yeah, it was a slow news day.

I sometimes really, really wonder what people did at work before the internet. I guess actual work. Might explain that booming economy in the 80's. Well, they certainly aren't just doing work anymore. At least according to some, ahem, rough estimates from executive search firm Challenger, Gray & Christmas. Okay, I won't dispute that maybe, perhaps, once in awhile, I might peruse some fantasy sites during office hours, but that is definitely not the only thing people are surfing the net for during work. Remember the nineties? Maybe something called streaming stock quotes? And what is an executive search firm doing running a rough estimate of the amount of time and money people spend on fantasy leagues at work?

It's not often that a well established sport considers a rather radical rule change. I'd count soccer as pretty well established and I'd count a penalty box as a rather radical new rule. But hey, at least its a nuance that Americans fans will understand.

One of the few hockey fans left in North America? Looking for someone to blame? Looking to drop the gloves and take out your frustrations over the lockout? Blame the Rangers and Paul Kariya.

The interesting Every Play Counts feature over at FO is back with another edition dissecting loud-mouthed and now sidelined rookie Kellen Winslow.

Mirror, mirror on the wall who's had the flukiest season of all? Hint: One name may rhyme with Fraidy Randerson.

I’ve had enough of Mike D and Greg trying to explain the NBA off season to me over IM in the last couple of weeks so I thought that I should weigh in here. I know it’s been a while and it might be a while before I get back to this again (just moved and work is killin' me), but I don’t want to leave this stuff to the football and baseball guys.

Vince Carter isn’t going anywhere. I’m not the first person to say and I probably won’t be the last, but I’ve had a pretty good track record with this stuff so far. As Mike pointed out, VC is one more hamstring injury away from becoming Air Canadud. The guy has proven time and again that he can’t lead a team and that he isn’t a great all around player. The Pistons showed us again that you don’t win with a guy that can do nothing but score. He doesn’t play great D, his outside shot is suspect, and he isn’t as explosive as he used to be. Oh yeah, and he makes a crap load of money. You know what Vince is good for? Making money. There are only a few players in the league today that can fill an arena just by being on the team and he is one of them (LeBron, AI, Kobe, and Shaq being the others). This guy is a goldmine for the Raps and they aren’t going to let that go without getting an amazing deal back. They would need some good young talent or another player that can fill the seats and no one is willing to give that up for Vince anymore. Sorry buddy, but it looks like you’ve got two more seasons in Toronto in front of you. At least after that you are a valuable expiring contract.

Anyone else notice that the Atlanta Hawks just signed the explosive backcourt of Lethal Weapon 3? You don’t know what I’m talking about? The 1991-92 Georgia Tech basketball team featuring Kenny Anderson, Brian Oliver, and Dennis Scott! Anyone? Well, Jon Barry was on that team as well and he’s joining Kenny Anderson for a college reunion. Hate to say it, but I like these signings. Numbers weren’t disclosed, but even the Hawks aren’t dumb enough to open the vaults for these guys. They’ll be able to teach some of the younger guys how to play in the NBA (too bad Kenny never really figured it out though).

Everyone here in Boston wants to know if the Glove is going to show up for camp. I have three words for Gary though: no one cares! Payton’s over the hill and can only hurt himself by not showing up. He isn’t going to turn the C’s into contenders, but he might help with attendance and in training Delonte West and Marcus Banks. Guess what though, if he doesn’t show, Ainge isn’t going to trade him to a contender unless he gets a great deal in return. This was a salary cap move to begin with, so Danny’s looking for draft picks cheap or young studs in return. I think he’ll be just as happy to let Gary sit out the season and get the cap relief for the next off season.

One last note about players trying to demand things of teams this year: Ray Allen is looking for a monster deal and he shouldn’t get it. Don’t get me wrong, I like Allen a lot, but the owners know that they have already over spent and that the CBA might make their lives a lot better in a years time. Ray, take what you can or risk losing a lot of when you are forced to sign with the Hawks next season.

Week two of MMQB:TE, checks in with the genius of John Fox. The man must be giving off some pheromones. First a plump spot on 60 Minutes, then a canonization from Mr. King. Of course Mr. King's endorsement is akin to being called a very special person by a certain baseball writer. Again, the Tuesday edition feels like drippings from the Monday pan. A plug for Fox, no doubt deserved, but nothing any football fan didn't know, some love for Peyton, yet more on McNabb and his accuracy and a blurb on the end of Rice's streak.

Wait! You mean everything that happened in week one didn't necessarily follow course in week two? And that maybe some of the ubiquitous preseason predictions might have been a tad off? Well, slap me on the ass and call me Don Banks.

Ken Rosenthal has a short interview with Billy Beane. Actually been awhile since I've linked to one of those, so what the hell. Mostly the same questions with the same answers with the exception of the last one:

TSN: Ever dream about a $183 million payroll?
BB: That might be too much. I might tell them to keep a little bit. The perfect amount of money to work with, it's not the top and it's not the bottom. If you took the major league average, that would be the ideal payroll to deal with. It keeps you disciplined, and you do get to make great decisions. Look at a club like St. Louis. To me, that's the perfect situation to deal with.

A-Rod, clutch or choke? Fact or merely perception. The NY Daily News has the hard hitting investigative feature.

In case you were in any doubt, Aaron Gleeman really, really thinks the AL Cy Young is a no brainer. Hard to argue, though just like Zito's win a couple years ago, we know the almighty W looms large with the voters, so if Schilling can get a couple more, including one over the Yanks next weekend, he probably shouldn't be counted out.

And you know its a slow day when I'm linking to not one, but two Page 2 lists. FO's Aaron Schatz runs down the QB rankings for week 2. And Jeff Merron has the best NFL coaches of all time, which I seem to remember them having done recently, but maybe that was best NFL coaches since 1982 or best NFL coaches to coach in sweaters.

So where were we? Since we last met, Bonds got a milestone closer to beating that old white dude, the Sox laid a weekend egg in the Bronx, the pesky Europeans once again pasted a talented-on-paper American team and despite Coach Coughlin's clock tomfoolery, the Giants decided to show up against the 'Skins.

With at least the AL play-off race solidifying, most of the Monday news is week two in the NFL and the Euro's hosing of the US in the Ryder Cup. MMQB digs up, or at least reads up on some decades old dirt about Bill Parcells that I find rather boring. Everyone should know by now that the man can coach football while also being a raging narcissistic egomaniac. Not much there this week. The only thing that remotely raised my bushy eyebrow was the fact that TB has yet to score an offensive touchdown this year. An interesting column that maybe only interested him.

I need a big game from Duante on Monday night to keep my perfect fantasy start alive. James Quintong wraps up the rest of the studs and duds in week two. And while I'd never purposefully wish an injury on anyone (okay, maybe a few Yankees), was there ever any doubt that the football gods would strike K2 down? Watch out for that other knee Willis McGahee.

In case you were in doubt, there is more than one way to win in the NFL. So sayeth 60 Minutes. Of course the grand dame of television journalism isn't looking so hot at the moment, but we'll digress. And while there are certainly different means to a W, there are just as many ways to a loss or so a wise man once said. John Gruden may know that more than anyone right now.

Interesting article on the myriad branches of the coaching family tree. I love the word myriad. I think its because it sounds medieval.

Gary Van Sickle thinks the Euro's reign over the biennial (not to be confused with biannual) event could be just beginning. Blogger Vance, like most of the rest of us, just doesn't know what to think.

Another sinking team, another disgruntled athlete under contract, another trade demand. How many injuries away is Vince Carter from becoming Grant Hill? One? Maybe two?

I honestly thought this was a joke, but alas, I fear not.

Well, I’m simply as giddy as a schoolgirl at a pony show right now. This was a great, great weekend to be a baseball fan, namely a Yankee fan. I actually had the pleasure of going to Yankee Stadium on Saturday to watch the Bombers destroy the Sox. And in case you couldn’t have guessed, it’s quite a different experience from Fenway. The most glaring was the fact that I wore my Mattingly replica jersey without having bags of pig vomit hurled at me. Which, you know, is nice. I was jumping, yelling and screaming without fear of persecution. I felt like a misplaced US Citizen who made it safely to the American Embassy in 1940’s Germany. Needless to say, it was great. Of course, we would have had a great chance to sweep if Lofton hustled at all. What was going on when Damon was at bat? Was Kenny on his BlackBerry™? No excuse for that complete lack of effort. If I were Sheffield, I would have punched him in the mouth right there. Too bad Kevin Brown wasn’t pitching.

So guess who’s not getting his job back? That’s right, Stephen Davis. That’s what 174 yards rushing and a TD does for you. I can’t believe it took the Panthers this long to even get him the ball. Yes, I understand they have the Stephen Express, but come on. If his limited time over the past few years didn’t prove anything to Panthers brass, his fantastic Super Bowl touchdown (dive) must have. I wonder if Stephen Davis even needed surgery?

Fox: Stephen, um, we’re gonna need you to get knee surgery.

Davis: What? Coach, I’m fine. I’ve never been healthier.

Fox: No. I think you need knee surgery.

Davis: What are you talking about?

Fox: I’ll see you later.

(sfx: crackle of lightning . . . Tonya Harding enters, stage right)

And what is wrong with the US Golfers? Seriously. Tiger Woods and Lefty, two of the three best golfers in the world can’t lead the US to victory? Come on now. The worst part is, it wasn’t even close. What’s next, the US Men’s basketball team settling for the bronze?

Ok, can we all agree now that the Mets are idiots? That’s right, I’m talking about the Scott Kazmir for Victor Zambrano deal of the century. I went on a lengthy diatribe about this the day after it happened. But I feel like I’ve got to bring this back one final time. Who in their right mind gives up a 94-mph throwing LEFTY who happens to only be 20 years old? (Enter the Mets, stage right). Did anyone see that performance by Kazmir last night against the Red Sox? Shut. Them. Down. He absolutely smoked them. Nothing they could do. Victor Zambrano, of course, pitched once before going down with a season ending arm injury. The mind-boggling thing to me is, Kazmir is a better pitcher than Zambrano right now. The Mets would have been better off letting him pitch. Complete and utter tomfoolery. Of course, and I’ve said this before, the trade is even more mind boggling, because they opted not to trade Kazmir for a relatively unknown 2B . . . one Mr. Alfonso Soriano. Dumbasses.

And finally, Mike will be thrilled with this November 23rd DVD release. Oh the fun never stops with these wacky gals.

An interesting factoid that may (okay, definitely) only interest me: Back in 2001 Ed McCaffrey was my #2 WR for my fantasy team. I almost lost my dinner while watching McCaffery's leg snap and flap in the breeze from my Times Square hotel room during the first MNF game of the season. Fast forward to '04, Mr. Steve Smith is my #2 WR. Last night I had the pleasure of watching more calcium deprived bones snap, crack and pop on MNF. From the same Times Square hotel.

Speak of the devil, King is back on Tuesday for a short stack of MMQB leftovers with the appropriate, but boring title, MMQB: Tuesday edition. Seems like a West Coast edition, as Peter phones up Matt Hasselbeck (disturbing and hilarious photo here, courtesy of the SG's Intern) and then chats with Dennis Erickson. The King is also chided for checking out under-age booty and seems amazed that Favre didn't diverge the real gameplan for yesterday's victory to him.

Ed Waldman in the Baltimore Sun has an interesting tidbit about Paul Tagliabue hinting about the future of regular season games as the network contracts expire after next season (a whopping 17.9B). Hint, the answer involves the NFL Network (via BSMW).

Slate's Explainer looks at the (Other) Blackout Rule coming into effect for last weekend's rescheduled Miami-Tennessee tilt.

Interesting game out in Oakland last night. Frankie Francisco (hot off winning the AL Rookie of the month, something I'm sure Bud is proud of) took Bush's 'Don't mess with Texas' motto to heart and heaved a chair into the stands. None of the early editions had what exactly set off the melee. I'm voting for beer, thin skin and somebody's mama.

Interesting Snopes article that delves into Wally Pipp his infamous headache and the first (in a rather long number) of starts for Lou Gehrig.

The role of minor league managers, especially the lifers, in player development and instilling an organization's philosophy in developing players is something that rarely makes the papers. At least those outside the affiliates home zip code, so I found this article on the firing of Pawtucket Red Sox manager Buddy Bailey rather interesting. Also includes some choice comments on the heir to Varitek, Kelly Shoppach.

The best run sports league in the land is back and the opening gambit (too big to be termed just a weekend! Or so I'm told) provided some great games, great debates and hope for every team. Yes, even for teams playing in Arizona. Okay, who was that and what did they do with Curtis Martin and Emmitt Smith?

It was no coincidence that most of the best games were scheduled at night (they know the weather outside of FLA will keep most people outside till October), which kept me from disappearing down the hole of a lost weekend, a very good thing since after busting ass home from the airport on Thursday night just in time for kickoff, I said barely three words to the fiancee (the very one that had my dinner waiting in front of the television) till waking her up with a shout at 12:17. So, the Pats and Colts got things off to a messy, but entertaining start and left fans outside of NE once again screaming that the Patriots were the team that should sport the horseshoe as their logo.

The biggest play seems to be the victorious return of Joe Gibbs on the strength of Clinton Portis. Who would have thought that a legit running game could make a team better? What a concept! Everyone is so taken with the storybook return that Mark Brunell playing like poo-poo is largely ignored.

Denver didn't do so badly with its new running back either. Who for all the talk about his size wouldn't have much trouble fitting into Clinton's suits.

Most of the pundits are trying hard to stay calm and remind everyone that its week one. PK even points out some choice results from week one last year, but who's he kidding, he's still excited? Browns are rolling towards January!

Pat Kirwan has a comprehensive breakdown of Monday night's tilt between GB and Carolina and ultimately takes the Sports Guy's advice and takes Favre.

Maybe it's because I had a break, but both of Gammons latest articles are worth a read. The column on the next new new thing includes a throwaway line about Bill James contributions to baseball making him a must for the HOF is something I hadn't really considered, but makes a lot of sense. Some will say those contributions have been for the better, others for the worse, but neither can deny his influence on the game in the last twenty plus years.

And speaking of James, he stops by the HBTs to pen an article on the asterisk and Ichiro's quest to take down Sisler.

The Red Sox/Mariners series over the weekend was once again provided grist for the Varitek and Lowe for Heathcliff Slocumb deal and is notable only because the shoe is so often on (Larry Anderson's) other foot.

Finally, if Selig can't get the 'Spos moved to Washington DC, perhaps he can follow the lead of Indiana's Arena league team to find a buyer.

Mike offers up 5 questions for Greg to answer in an all football edition of Five for Friday.

1. After being reminded this morning of why I always so adept at flipping the channel during SC's Four Downs segment, who's more annoying Sean Salisbury or John Clayton?

Sean Salisbury. Hands down. Oh man, I can’t stand this guy. Explain to me what makes Salisbury, he of the 19 career TD passes, even remotely qualified to criticize other NFL players? His arrogance is maddening. Has he ever watched old tapes of himself play? He makes Trent Dilfer look like Joe Montana. His over inflated sense makes him look like a total ass. When Dan Marino trashes a QB, you’re like, “Ok, well, this is Dan Marino.” But when Salisbury goes on one of his rants, I can’t help but think, “Are you kidding me, who is this guy? Sean freakin’ Salisbury?” He’s like an illiterate man talking about his favorite Hemmingway novel. He’s like the white love child of Jim Rome and Steven A. Smith. Ugh. Where’s Donald Trump when you need him?

2. Is the Pats/Colts the best recent (forget tradition, just recent games) rivalry in the NFL and should Pats fans have any sympathy for the Colts as they seem to be playing the Red Sox to the Pats Yankees?

Well it sure is shaping up to be that way, isn’t it? I’m not quite sure there are any other real rivalries in the NFL. I mean, the Broncos/Chiefs, the Bears/Packers, and um, hmm . . . ok, I got this, hold on . . . um . . . yeah. But man, the Pats definitely have the Colts number. I think Manning goes home, and beats a cardboard cutout of Teddy Bruschi with nun-chucks, Ray Finkle style (. . . Finkle is Einhorn, Einhorn is finkle). But I agree with your Yankees/Red Sox analogy. Maybe the Colts would have won if Dungy had pulled Manning in the red-zone, late in the 4th quarter . . . they were just five yards away.

3. What color was your Nerf football growing up? Please don't tell me you went in for any of those whistling, fish tailed "innovations" either.

Actually, I had the “Vortex”. It was the fish-tailed “innovation” with John Elway on the box claiming he could throw it over 200 yards. I have to admit, it was pretty fun. You just threw it as hard as you could and watched it fly to Venezuela. Of course, everyone who owned one required Tommy John surgery, but hey, all a part of growing up, right?

4. Why weren't football cards more of a collectible? Maybe its my foggy memory, but it seems like baseball, basketball and hell, hockey had more cachet than football cards.

Actually, football cards were pretty popular. Must have been all that marijuana in your Honey Smacks. In fact, they were much more popular than hockey or basketball, if I remember correctly. Baseball has always been king, but football definitely made a big push, especially in 1989 and 1990 when Score, Pro Set and Upper Deck made their debut. Basketball started to get popular in the early 90’s as well, with the debut of Skybox, Fleer, and the Hoops set, with the much sought after David Robinson rookie card (where he’s smiling and holding up his Spurs jersey). Of course, before long, the sports card market got supersaturated and overpriced, that kids like me (with over 25,000 cards) could no longer afford to collect. Packs have gone from containing 16 cards to 3 cards per pack. Oh, and the price has gone from 50 cents to about $3. It's a damn shame.

5. Jake Delhomme, the next Brady or the next Dilfer?

Hmm, I’m not sure there’s an answer to that. Delhomme has one season as a starter on his resume, and it should be interesting to see how defenses adjust to him; and more importantly, how he adjusts to them. If I had to guess though, I’d say he’ll be more like Brady. He’s got good poise in the pocket. Granted, he throws a lot of interceptions, trying to do too much (re: throwing into double coverage). He’s got a terrific supporting cast, and a brilliant coach (much like Brady), so I think we can expect to watch him develop and have a solid NFL career. Who knows, maybe someday he can teach Sean Salisbury a little something about the game.

While you're waiting for my All-Crap Fantasy Team (which I'll have on Friday, along with the Five for Friday . . . sorry for the delay), take a peek at Gregg Rosenthal and his take on Week 1 in the NFL.

With the NFL season finally getting underway tomorrow night, I figured what better way to celebrate than with some Fantasy Football talk. While I’m sure almost everyone has had their drafts, I’d like to take some time and assemble my all-Fantasy Surprise and All-Fantasy Crap teams. Why, you ask? Because I can. And also, because it may help our 3 loyal readers with waiver claims, trades, and even some late drafts. Ok, enough chit-chat, let’s get down to business. Today I do surprises, tomorrow, crap.

Fantasy Surprises:

Joey Harrington, QB, Lions: Please do not end up with Harrington as your #1 QB. But trust me on this one. JH will put up solid, solid numbers, especially in the second half. When this Lions team starts to gel, I think they’re going to be very dangerous on offense (sadly, their defense will still stink). Charles Rogers, Roy Williams and Tai Streets look to be a much more impressive trilogy than the new nonsense George Lucas is trying to pass off as Star Wars (tangent: seriously, has their ever been a case where ‘leave a good thing alone’ applies anymore? What a load of rubbish the new movies are. I digress.) Anyway, I think Harrington will have a big second half. Yes, accuracy is still an issue, but D.Woody gives that OL a boost, Jones gives them a legitimate running game and their mutated West Coast offense (and weak secondaries in their division) could all add up for a solid year from Harrington. I’d be happy with him as my QB2.

Brian Westbrook, RB, Eagles: Ok, so BW is no longer a sleeper. I understand that. But I’ve been reading a lot about his relative fragility and inability to handle 300 carries. I don’t buy it. He’s never shown to be an injury risk, and I don’t think it should be worried about unless it happens. I expect big things from him. Why? In a committee last season, he scored 11 TD’s (13 if you include the punt returns) and the average length of his TD plays were 28.6 yds. That’s, um, good. He did all that while accounting for a mere 35% of the Eagles running game. While he’s no LT, Priest or Ahman Green, he should be quite valuable this season.

Travis Henry, RB, Bills: Wh-wh-what? How did this guy make the list? I tell you why. Because everyone seems to have forgotten how good he is. This guy was a top-7 pick last season. Suddenly, he’s dropped to the 3rd and 4th rounds in most drafts. Unfortunately, in both of my leagues, he went early. Last season, he rushed for 1,356 and scored 11 Tds . . . with a cracked fibula and torn rib cartilage. I’m not sure if that’s bravado or insanity, but either way, this guy wants to play. I don’t think McGahee, who stumbled a little at the end of the preseason, will take the starting job this year. Henry, if healthy, could be the best value in the draft, especially if your league is dumb enough to leave him there into the 3rd round. If you’ve already had your draft, trade for him, stat. He won’t be this cheap again.

Chris Brown, RB, Titans: Ah yes, the Titans finally took Eddie George behind the barn. That was long overdue (a little foreshadowing, you'll probably hear more about George in tomorrow's list). Brown is an explosive little back (if you call 6'3", 219 little) with the ability to hit the hole fast, and barrel over linebackers (ask Ray Lewis if he remembers last year's playoffs). He played exceptionally well at the end of last season, averaging 3.9 yards a carry on 56 attempts. He even scored a TD in each of Tennessee's playoff games. He's the lone back there now, and he should have a very, very good season. McNair has a talented group of receivers to throw to, and that should only serve to spread the field and allow for more running room. I've actually read a few articles this preseason questioning Brown's durability and size. Such fodder for an article. I guess if you're not 6'10", 290 lbs. there will always be questions about your size. Then again, if one were that big, they'd be criticized for that. Either way, Brown is fast, tough, on a good team with a great QB and OL, and could be a Top-10 RB by season's end.

Javon Walker, WR, Packers: Third year alert. I repeat, third year alert. For those of you who have no idea as to what I’m talking about, there’s a perceived notion that most WR’s have their “breakout” year in their third season in the league. Of course, according to “Pro Football Forecast” (incredible book, by the way), that’s not entirely the case. Of the 203 receivers who played at least five seasons or caught 150 passes since 1978, “only 18% achieved the 1,000-yard plateau.” But I feel comfortable predicting that Walker will do just that. He’s going to make the “jump”. Why? Well, with only 41 receptions, Walker found the end zone 9 times (6 times in his last 9 games). Granted, he never had more than 5 receptions in a game, but he had Driver and Ferguson ahead of him. If he emerges as the #1 WR in Green Bay (which looks likely to happen), he could have a HUGE season. In fact, I think he could be this year’s Santana Moss (re: drafted late, puts up top-10 numbers). I know Brett Favre likes to spread the ball around, but this offense is going to score a lot of TD’s, and it looks like Favre has found a favorite receiver.

Deion Branch, WR, Patriots: Yes, I understand that Brady likes to spread the ball around. Yes, I understand that now the Pats have a legitimate RB in Dillon. And yes, I understand that they have a gaggle of capable wide receivers and tight ends. Is he No. 1 WR material as far as Fantasy Football, probably not. But he could make a very, very, very solid WR3. If his Super Bowl performance was any indication, this guy can play. And with Troy Brown taking a back seat, becoming mostly a 3rd down receiver, the door is open for Branch to take over No. 1 duties in Gillette. I would acquire him with WR3 in mind, but he may put up better numbers than your WR2. Of course, that depends on who that is. But the Pats will score. The only question is, who catches the ball, Givens or Branch? My money is on Branch.

Andre Davis, WR, Browns: I don’t know what to think of this guy. Two years ago (yes, third year alert here too), he was drafted in the second round, and has proved to be a bust, like most of Cleveland’s 1st and 2nd round draft picks over the past 5 years. But this year might be different. Why? Because Cleveland could actually have a legitimate running game with Suggs and Green, they have a highly touted, albeit loudmouthed, TE in Winslow, and a QB that has something to prove. Oh, and Kevin Jackson is gone. That makes A-Dav the No. 1 man there in the Dog Pound. He’s a great guy to land at the end of your draft, whose upside (there it is, I said it) could prove to be quite valuable. He’s also a good guy to have “thrown in” when making a trade. As for his biggest competition, Quincy Morgan, I think he’ll be a deep, big-play threat, but Davis gets more receptions.

Antonio Gates, TE, Chargers: Last season, Gates was 3rd on the Chargers in receiving yards. I know, I know, YOU could have been 3rd on that depth chart. But hey, let’s face it, PhillipsBreesFlutie has to throw the ball to someone. Tomlinson can’t touch the ball on every down . . . can he?

Lawrence Tynes, K, Chiefs: Do the math. He’s the kicker on KC. They score roughly 9,000 points per game. Morten Anderson was a top-7 kicker last year. He’s 95 years old. I’m surprised he doesn’t kick barefoot. Tynes will rack up the points. The only downside is he’s a rookie. So if he can handle the pressure, hey, so can you.

Chicago Bears, D, Bears: Ok, I’m a Bears fan, I admit it. And yes, naming them a sleeper may just be blind optimism on my part, but maybe not. Hear me out. Yes, I know the Bears only had 18 sacks last season, and 1 DTD, but those numbers are guaranteed to improve. Why? Two reasons. Lovie Smith and Adawale Ogunleye. New Bears head coach Lovie Smith, former defensive coordinator of the Rams, has a new defensive scheme is in place. This new look centers around pressure from the front 4, allowing the linebackers to roam, and shoot through the gaps. Of course, this only works with a presence in the front. Enter Ogunleye. This was such a fantastic trade for the Bears, I almost peed my pants. Ok, fine, I peed my pants. But hey, Adawale led the AFC in sacks last season with 15.5. Add that to the Bears total and that’s a respectable 33.5. But more importantly, it lets Brian Urlacher run free. I expect him to get to the QB more, and be his general nuisance all season long. His time won't be spent plugging up the middle, compensating for inept run defense due to a weak front line. The Bears also have a solid secondary. Yes, Azumah is hurt, but honestly, that hurts the kick return game more. The emergence of second year player Charles Tillman is the key. If he can improve upon his excellent play from last season, he'll be a fine compliment to R.W. McQuarters and Uber-FS Mike Brown. Granted the Bears do play in a division with Minnesota and Green Bay, but they should have a quality season. Enough to crack the top-10 . . . I hope.

Tune in tomorrow as I detail my Fantasy Bust Team.

Oh and Mike, sorry buddy, you're stuck with me. This writing stuff isn't half bad.

Just what we need after an Olympics almost derailed by judging mishaps, Serena (and her boots, denim and six shooter) was outted from the US Open on some pretty lame calls by the chair umpire. It begs the questions that with Serena and her fashion sense gone, how ESPN will tease the highlights? I know Wilbon and the ubiquitous Stephen A. Smith will be disappointed.

After Simmons and the occasional diatribe by Jason Whitlock, does Page 2 actually have any writers or is it just a bunch of people in a room compiling lists? Jeff Merron goes after the top 100 sports innovations. Sometimes amusing, sometimes interesting, still a list.

Back in the early nineties when I was perfecting my dorkdom, I lived on a steady diet of Tony La Russa baseball computer games. I relatively forgotten game now, but it packed a good franchise simulator and solid gameplay for its time. It also came with expansion packs that allowed you to load up historical players (the Internet was barely up and running) and draft teams. Hence my love of George Sisler and Left O'Doul, the cornerstones of my franchise for a solid simulated decade. So its with a heavy heart that I watch Ichiro and his 200 singles close in Sisler's record. HBT has an interesting look at Sisler and Ichiro, the record and whether their singular talent for the one bagger brings down their value as overall players.

After a one sided firestorm of criticism, the Yanks acquiesced to a Wednesday double header against the Rays (rather ironic that its pouring here today). Retrosheet looks at baseball forfeits and their causes through history.

For all you arm chair baseball GMs, this is quite a cool little tool. I haven't had much time to dig into the details, but cool nonetheless.

The NFL season A-Z. O is by far the best entry. (I leave for a week and FO launches a re-design. Like anything new, it'll take some getting used to. The site definitely has a more polished look, but I think its still a bit cluttered, with original or updated material getting lost with links and ads. Some better demarcation of content and standardization of headings/links might help. My two cents.)

Someone must have slipped something into Barry's water. Not only was he verbose with reporters in Colorado, he even told an off the cuff and amusing (for Barry, at least) anecdote about his first year in the minors (Hawaii, not a bad place to spend a season in single-A).

"Trench came from the east side of Baltimore. They had one of those tryout things, Trench threw his suitcase out in the middle of the field and said, 'Hey, I can play.' They gave him a tryout and asked him to run and he outran everyone. He was the fastest man in camp. They were doing cutoff drills, right? He gets this ball off the wall and Trent threw a bullet all the way to home. They said, 'Trench, hit the cutoff man!' And he said, 'The (heck) with the cutoff man, I'm throwing his (butt) out.' If Trench throws the ball, you're out."

Riding relatively unnoticed in the Red Sox slip stream, the Astros are right back in the midst of the NL wild card. Who would have thought the Jimy would be able to right that ship? No doubt the never-winner will be back on someone's bench next year.

MMQB is back with fearless predictions. The shorthand: still likes the Seahawks, not so much the Jags and he still has a man-crush on Jake Plummer. Color him skeptical of the McNabb-Owens love-fest continuing, but he has charts and graphs to back him up this time. TMQ was full of haikus, but I wasn't really in the mood. Sometimes you feel like football flavored poetry, sometimes you don't.


Don Banks tells us how the world has changed since Joe Gibbs last coached. Complete filler really, unless you're hoping to beat Ken Jennings in the Joe Gibbs coaching category. I mean, c'mon, Don, the season is three days away and you couldn't come up with something more interesting than where all the current coaches were the last times Gibbs stalked the sidelines? You're better than that Don!

Wow, when sportswriters get catty, they don't mess around. (Note, anyone that sort of follows the book world knows Amazon's rating system is not well liked. Not sure why this is news to Neyer, a published author.)

And finally, thanks to Greg for holding down the fort last week and keeping the site poppin' fresh. You can stop now. Really.

Wow, Josh Charles and Jeff Garlin in the same fantasy football league. Oh man, that would be incredible. Forget the draft, I'd have so many questions, especially for Josh Charles, I'd be like, "Hey Dan, did you and Casey McCall hang out all the time?" "Hey, Dan, you know you totally could have stolen Natalie from Jeremy, right?" "Hey . . . Rydell. . ., yeah, I don't care if it's your pick . . . was Dana really that annoying?" "Hey Dan, did Robert Guillame let everyone call him "Benson"? Did you slip up sometimes as a ha-ha funny joke and call him Isaac Benson? Benson Jaffe? Maybe just Benson sometimes?" "Hey Dan, you ever watch Six Feet Under? "Hey Dan, . . . what? . . . Oh yeah, sure, I'll let go of your shoe."

So, Tiger Woods finally lost his Number 1 ranking on Monday. It seems as if Captain Personality (yes, Vijay) snuck in through the backdoor, won his 6th tourney of the year and subsequently bored everyone to sleep. Yes, Singh has had his token impressive, yet mind-numbingly dull season, but I just can't stand to see him as the #1 player. Maybe it's because I like Tiger and Lefty so much. Or maybe it's because I don't like Singh at all. He's made my "List of professional athletes I inexplicably can't stand". Members include: Singh, Nick Price, Lee Travino, Jamie Moyer, Ivan Lendl (random, I know), Patrick Roy and Emmitt Smith, to name a few. It's incredible though, that Woods can be having such a "bad" season, yet still be so damn good. Although, Tiger seems to have found his swing again. Should be a matter of time before he starts his new Gagne-like streak of dominance.

While we're on golf, you know what bothers me? When announcers get all John Madden on a particular player, touting their "incredible work ethic". Around the 18th hole, Ian Baker-Finch (obviously still keeping his maiden name) and the other guy, whose name eludes me, started going on a lengthy diatribe about how Vijay Singh works so hard, blah blah. Sun up to sundown, he's hitting balls, blah blah. Ugh, please. Spare me. It's become such a sports cliche. Gee, he works hard? You don't say? I just figured his ability to hit a 224 yard 5 iron with a slight draw three feet from the cup was due to magic. Silly me. Good thing those sportscasters are their to teach me. Ugh. Can't they come up with anything better? Hey, if they've got nothing to say, they should read an article out of Golf Digest and save us all the $15 subscription fee. Something. Ah well, I guess everyone can't be Joe Morgan. (yes, that was sarcasm.)

Um, by the way, what was Kevin Brown thinking? No, seriously. He was a helmet away from being Gus Ferrotte. What a freakin' dumbass. Vegas odds on him being a Yankee next year . . . 1:5000.

Once again this week, Greg takes on Mike D.'s questions and answers them with as little thought as possible.

1. So I've been unplugged all this week, can you compose me a haiku that catches me up on the sports world in five and seven syllable chunks?

Pennington is rich
Serena’s boots were sexy
Damn those Red Sox just won’t lose

Yankees lost by 22
USC squeaked by
Kobe got out of jail free

Really is too bad
Olympics are now over
No ones boob popped out

Football was boring
Woodson not holding out now
Whooptee freakin’ doooo

Hockey is done for good
The talks stuck in a standstill
No one seems to care

Nothing else happened
Picked a good week to be off
You thought I would slack
I wrote the Blah all week long
I am Awesome Man.

2. So there is now a good chance that D. Lowe wins over fifteen games this year. Which team is going to overpay this off-season for the fragile and streaky sinker-baller?

Well, if I had to take a guess, I’d have to say Baltimore or Texas. Both seem to have deep pockets, and both teams seem to have no idea as to what the heck they’re doing. I would be willing to bet that those two get into a bidding war to see which team looks dumber by the end of the 2005 season.

3. Okay, just about 30 games to go in the MLB season, long enough for fluke to not really apply, so fantasy guru, who are the single biggest fantasy surprises, one hitter and one pitcher, for this year?

Hitter:

Carlos Guillen. There were a few names that came to mind, but Guillen just edged out Adrian Beltre for the “honor”. This guy came out of nowhere. In fact, I would be willing to guess that he went undrafted in most fantasy leagues. I landed him via FA in one league, and he wasn’t picked up until April 21st in my other league. These are his numbers:

.312, 20 HR, 97 RBI, 93 R and 11 SB . . . and he’s SS and 3B eligible.

He hit .276 with 7 HR’s and 52 RBI last year. In fact, in his first four seasons, Guillen hit a combined 29 home runs.

Honorable Mention:

• Adrian Beltre – finally lived up to that magic word . . . potential.
• Victor Martinez- Joe Mauer who?
• Travis Hafner- .305, 25 HR, 101 RBI . . . so much for platoon player.

Pitcher:

Carl Pavano. Gosh, I feel like Pavano is as old as Randy Johnson. I’ve been hearing about this guy forever. People were talking about him when he was a prospect in Boston. Then he got traded to the Expos (with Tony Armas Jr.) for some mediocre pitcher named Pedro Martinez. Then he made headlines by giving up HR #70 to Mark McGwire, in Big Mac’s last at bat of the season. He was supposed to be great, but he kept getting mentioned for everything but his pitching. Injury after injury, disappointment after disappointment, Pavano goes to Florida. He pitches well, wins a World Series. And this year, he might win the CY Young (longshot, but 16-5 is no joke). You know I figured he’d be ok, but I figured he’d pull a John Lackey and never live up to his playoff performance. Yeah, I guess these numbers are just “ok”.

16-5, 3.09 ERA, 1.18 WHIP, 49 BB, .248 BAA

He probably could have been had in the later rounds of your draft, or even off the FA wire. Great value. Big surprise. I bet the Red Sox go after him in the offseason to replace Lowe.

Honorable Mention:

• Francisco Cordero- What the . . . ?
• Joe Nathan- Popular “sleeper”, which is the equivalent to bitter/sweet, I guess.
• Mark Prior- Went in the 1st round in most drafts . . . whoops. SURPRISE!!! He stunk.

4. If Serena wasn't wearing those boots, would anyone be talking about the US Open? That's probably rhetorical, how about this: If you were hired by the ATP and WTA to salvage the sport, what would be first on your agenda?

For the women, three words: . . . thongs . . . wrestling . . . mud.

As for the men, I’d make each player enter the stadium to an entrance theme. They’d be wearing old-school studded robes, and they’d each have a manager who would taunt the other player incessantly. Occasionally, the ball boy/girl could toss the players they were supposed to be aligning with but secretly turned on but then secretly turned on the person he turned on, steel pipes and belts that were hidden under the net. Actually, I guess I’d get rid of the court too. Make them compete in more of like a ring, with some bounce. And forget the racket. That’s dumb. Of course, there would also be a Spanish announcers table.

5. Who wins more games this year, the Lions or the Texans?

Ugh. Ok, let’s break it down a bit.

Let’s start with the Lions.

A lot of people seem to like the Lions, Joey Harrington and those young WR’s, and hey, I'm one of them. But for this season? I'm not quite sure how good they'll be. Now, Detroit improved their OL by signing Damien Woody in the offseason. That should help the running game a bit. Of course, it can’t get any worse, ranked the lowest in the NFL last year. On a positive note, Detroit only gave up 11 sacks last year. Of course, they do run a mutated form of the West Coast, relying on lots of short, quick passes and throwing the ball away. So, it’s not like this line was the Redskins of old. But they have the talent on offense, with Rogers, Williams and Kevin Jones the future of that team. But future is the key word. The offense is so young and inexperienced. Rogers missed most of last season because of injury. I think there will be some growing pains here. As far as defensively, the front 7 is average at best. They made no significant off season acquisitions, and their rookies don’t seem to be poised to make an immediate impact. They’re sack leaders each tallied 4.5 by season’s end. The secondary is a different story. Dre Bly and Co. did a solid job defending against the pass. Of course, stopping the run may be a problem. Oh, and the Lions can’t win on the road. That too, might pose a problem.

And the Texans?

Well, Houston has a nice little offense in the works. David Carr continues to develop, and Andre Johnson should soon be one of the best WR in the league. Domanick Davis will be a good, if not very good back this year. I’m not quite sure he’ll rush for the 2000 yards he said he would, but you’ve got to like the boy’s confidence. The coaches also like backup running back Tony Hollings, who could step in if Davis gets hurt. Houston’s offensive line is stronger this year, especially on the right side. They weren’t particularly impressive last season, but they’ve definitely made some progress. On the defensive side, the front seven should see an improvement, as their three best players are now healthy and ready to play. Each missed a significant portion of the season last year with a number of injuries. As for the secondary, losing Aaron Glenn hurt, but big things are expected of first-round draft pick Dunta Robinson.

All things considered, I think I’d give the edge to the Texans. Both teams are young, but the fact that Houston had a full year to gel together, and can actually win on the road makes me pick them. My predictions:

Houston Texans 7-9
Detroit Lions 5-11

Then again, for all I know, they’ll square off in the Super Bowl. We’ll see.

Ah yes, high school. Brings back the memories of sharing a little of the Hep-C with my teammates. Although, I must say, the feces is funny, but the superintendent was great. I love this quote: "I've got to assume they were trying to send a message." Hey, good job B.F. Skinner, you don't say? And what would that message be? "We're assholes and we're gearing up for a career salting french fries." Similar thing happened my junior year of high school. I was on the Math Team. I mean, we were the studs of the school. Parties, ho's running up all kinds of everywhere . . . beating them away with protractors and what-not. Anyway, let's just say, there was some feces involved, a few freshmen, and some brand new TI-82's. Oh yeah. Legendary. I think the Physics department is still talking about it.


Now THIS is how you get 200 million Americans to watch the Olympics. Damn, that's hot. WNBA . . . take note.


". . . Party in the city when the heat is on, all night on the beach 'till the break of dawn, . . . welcome to Miami."

Are you sitting there thinking, "Gee, I wonder what Ron Artest is up to this offseason?" Well, aside from almost being traded to Sacramento for Peja Stojakovic, it appears as if everyone's favorite NBA tough guy has a rap album dropping later this year. Just when you thought nothing could ever top Shaq-fu. According to the article:

"Artest has been busy with his fledgling record label (Tru Warier Entertainment), his upcoming solo rap album and the release of a country-and-western-themed single with a 78-year-old Zionsville, Ind., neighbor that he identified simply as "Doris."

Hmm, sounds great.

Although what's even more bizarre is this quote from Artest:

"I just got a deal for my own clothing line and a signature sneaker through LA Gear . . . I've got a lot of stuff going on."

Ok, wait a minute? L.A. Gear? That's a joke right? They still make those? I hope he gets those pink ones that light up on the bottom with each step.

That would be faaaaaaaaaantastic.